I have a body image problem. I've never been able to objectively judge how I look. To some extent I'm sure that is normal. My problem is that when I look in the mirror I still see myself the way I looked when I was in high school - scrawny. By looking at the scale I can tell that I've gained a substantial amount of weight since then, and happily most of that is quality muscle. Despite all that, the mirror still makes me feel awkwardly skinny. On the bright side that helps me with my drive to keep lifting consistently even when I don't feel like being there.
There is more. I have days where I feel fat or that my arms look like toothpicks. This can happen mere hours after I feel like I'm the most ripped guy in town. Usually it the body parts I've just lifted that I feel the best about. My arms look great after arms day and my legs look like trash. But on legs day the legs look fine and the arms seem a little flabby or shrunken.
It gets worse though. There is a certain amount of vanity that comes with the aspirations of being a bodybuilder. I find I'm checking out other guys where ever I go. If they are more built than I am, I get jealous of their superior genetics or feel the need to imagine they use steroids. If they are bit out of shape or stick skinny like I used to be, I find myself feeling superior and wondering how they can stand to be fat or have no muscle.
This all leaves me wondering if I'm mentally stable. I tell myself that I workout because I want to be healthy, because I enjoy how I feel after exercising and that being in shape is good for my confidence. All this other stuff that runs through my mind makes me wonder if going to the gym everyday is turning me into snob. Maybe it would be better to grab some ice cream get a movie, forget about the sore wrist and stiff back and work up a nice pot belly and maybe some heart disease. That isn't really my style though. I'll be taking my chance with snobbery. I'm not that worried though. Something tells me that my attempt at competitive bodybuilding will be plenty humbling.